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Stupid rules

1 December, 2007

Some of my, apparently sane, fellow-human beings live their lives according to some of the stupidest ‘rules’ you could imagine.

I had forgotten just how angry I get about this until yesterday when a Ffriend mentioned that she’s been invited to a party to celebrate (sic) (and sick) the circumcision of a baby boy.

I mean: SICK or what?

Would we invite friends round to celebrate us smacking our new baby around the head? Gouging out his eyes? No?

But sitting around eating canapés whilst some guy hacks away at a baby’s penis – without anaesthetic – that’s OK because it’s a religious belief. (the parents’ belief, notice: not the baby boy’s belief). And we can’t question religious beliefs, can we?

Well, by chance I came across this part poem by Peter Reading, which sums up all this stupidity:

from Going On


This is unclean: to eat turbots on Tuesdays,

tying the turban unclockwise at cockcrow,

cutting the beard in a south-facing mirror,

wearing the mitre whilst sipping the Bovril,

chawing the pig and the hen and the ox-tail,

kissing of crosses with peckers erected,

pinching of bottoms (except in a yashmak),

flapping of cocks at the star-spangled-banner,

snatching the claret-pot off of the vicar,

munching the wafer without genuflexion,

facing the East with the arse pointing backwards,

thinking of something a little bit risqué,

raising the cassock to show off the Y-fronts,

holding a Homburg without proper licence,

chewing the cud with another man’s cattle,

groping the ladies – or gentry – o’Sundays,

leaving the tip on the old-plum-tree-shaker,

speaking in physics instead of the Claptrap,

failing to pay due obeisance to monkeys,

loving the platypus more than the True Duck,

death without Afterlife, smirking in Mecca,

laughing at funny hats, holding the tenet

how that the Word be but fucking baloney,

failing to laud the Accipiter which Our Lord saith is Wisdom.

Started by Australopithecus, these are

time-honoured Creeds (and all unHoly doubters

shall be enlightened by Pious Devices:

mayhems of tinytots, low-flying hardwares,

kneecappings, letterbombs, deaths of the firstborns,

total extinctions of infidel unclean wrong-godded others).

You can hear the poet reading it here.

One Comment leave one →
  1. 8 December, 2007 3:54 pm

    Hi, I found you although my badspelling did not help. The poem made me laugh.
    I’ve gotten over being angry though, and we are friends again this girl and I, and no I’m not going to witness the circumcision.. why should I?!
    Bizarre things indeed are done i the name of faith.
    Honey x
    link to the page

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